The nerd in me

So it dawned on me just now that when i suddenly wanted to write something, I can't even remember the website www.blogger.com.

So many things has happened since the last post. School has started. The fact that it's in Singapore gives me a sense of deceleration - it doesn't kickstart my engine, my brain, my readiness. And that is only to my own detriment. Because there's no time to be retarded in here.

Feeling stupid aside, I've been pretty glad about it. So far I gotta say that i prefer it to hopkins (which is actually not saying very much because i didn't really enjoy hopkins). What i like about it is how it's stimulating in not a sciency sorta way, but a more realistic, humanistic aspects. I always know i'm rather socially inadequate, and that i tend to think in two dimensions - there's only yes and no, black and white, i gotta do something or i gotta move on and forget about it. So i guess this is a good thing for me, because i need to open my eyes to the three-dimensional way that life works. Its imperfection, its unfairness, its all shades of grey.

Talking about feeling stupid, another thing which i'm glad about was that i discovered i'm not the biggest nerd in here. Phew. And in fact, what makes me even happier is how easily i step down from those people, let them raise their hands and take the glory, and feel contented as a non-nerd.

Know thyself - Aristotle said. Easier said than done, obviously, because it's so easy to feel emotionally hurt, or angry, or self-deprecating, when you see someone's smarter, prettier, more successful. Turns out at one point i know i gotta block that out. Not easy at first obviously, like when my sister kept asking me about how old will i be before i can buy my first hdb flat, the answer to which is probably some ridiculous geriatric age (at which my eggs will probably be polyploidy and unfit for reproduction), i felt really small. But then i realize that though blocking it out is certainly not human tendency, it's definitely not impossible.

So yes, i'm happy that i'm able to feel happy when my friend knows the answer and gets better marks. Maybe another word for it is just the development of a thick skin.

I think it's good to be at a stage where i know who i am, what i want to do, what i should and should not be doing. I don't perform as well as i used to in junior college, but i think overall i'm a more balanced human being. I sleep 7 hours everyday, have dinner with my family almost every night, even if i don't finish studying. I go to lab every week.

And that probably has to do with both the stuff i've seen in med school and the internal process of finding myself.

Anyway, safe to say that this blog will be gathering dust quite a bit in the next few years. As i said, there's no time to be retarded here. I should either be developing my IQ or EQ, or preferably a little bit of both.